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December.

Tue Dec 1, 2009, 3:26 PM
An odd time for me. In recent years, it always has been. There always seems to be something clinging for acknowledgment, and sometimes it scares me. December is supposed to be a time in which we embrace our love for one another using objects (cynical, I know); and for those who are truly human, through affection and kind actions.
But in recent years, when someone says "Christmas", "Sharing", "Kinship", "Together", "Gifts", "Love", or "Memories"... I don't know whether to cry my eyes out or scream in terror. This is always the month of perpetual fear for me, and I really hope that someday it will change. Someday, I'll make it change...when I'm stronger. When I'm less afraid. As for now, those remnants from before continue to pick me apart-- leaving this human with no defenses and an easily breakable demeanor.
"This weakness will pass" I say to myself. I want those words to come true so badly. Logically they will, but everyone's impatient.

Enough self-indulgence though. In truth, I'll be away for a while. I'll come back when all of this is over.
ohgodmakeitstop

4 Comments
  • Mood: Hopeless
  • Listening to: A Fond Farewell- Elliott Smith
  • Watching: Mushi-Shi
  • Playing: DMC3/Dofus

Music meme.

Sun Nov 8, 2009, 11:51 PM


Stolen from :iconicyemo15:
Step 1: Put your iPod or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the 1st line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. And it doesn't have to be perfect if you can't understand the lyrics word for word.
Step 3: Let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Identify the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

1) Wake up everyone! It's not too late
To save the remnants of our hearts,
So stop giving up our last shot at love,
Our only chance to find the meaning of
The beat beneath the blood

2) How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many time have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?

3) (All Time Low: Remembering Sunday) -IcyEmo15
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning.
He hasn't been sober for days.

4) Well I woke one morning,
found you staring down at me,
you said "I'll take my share now, father please",
and you took your money,
and you took your leave,
you drilled my heart and turned your back on me...

5) I have changed, I have changed
Just like you, just like you.
For how long, for how long?
Must I wait, I know there's something wrong.
Your concrete heart isn't beating,
And you've tried to make it come alive.
No shadows, just red lights.
Now I'm here to rescue you...

6) Gunned up, brain dead and can't decide (is it Gummed up or Gunned up?)
You can't pray enough, you can't hide
You can be cool or you can cry
Do it wrong
Not at all
Or do it right

7) Is this everything, I've dreamed of so much more
between the end and where we lie
here all our hopes and dreams are scavenged from the floor
and fed into machines that feed on vacant eyes
all of my dreams, always find me
far beyond these fake fluorescent skies
I know there must be something more, if I could only find the door
then I could free myself and see the world outside

8) This is morning. It's when I spend the most time...
Thinking 'bout what I've given up.
This is a warning, when you start the day just close the curtains
You're thinking 'bout what I've given up

9) ~If you get this, I'll make you something.
Our course is coarsely plotted
On a map of shoddy dreams,
But hindsight will reveal
Time's moving faster than it seems.
Maybe I'm just selfish,
I've got nothing left to give.
I'm still a foolish boy,
I've got a lifetime left to live.

10) Bonus points if you state my favourite cover :3
I'm sitting in the railway station.
Got a ticket for my destination.
On a tour of one-night stands my suitcase and guitar in hand.
And ev'ry stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one-man band.

11) it's been so long, and tin cans and string for years
is all that we've known, could it be you're really here

12) I've seen the darkest things
Crawling inside of me
I've seen the monsters come alive
I've seen the enemy
The nightmare follows me
Searching the darkness for a light

13) Here on my journey, I have walked alone
Only my heart stood still.
Now it's clear to see, when you're here with me, the emptiness has been filled.

14) (Jack's Mannequin: Kill the Messenger) -IcyEmo15
Oh my God, this hurts like hell.
I've had that dream again when I was lost for good in outer space...
Tell me doctor, how to shake a waking nightmare that is worse when I am sleeping?

15) (Switchfoot: Dare You to Move) -IcyEmo15
Welcome to the planet...
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here, everyone's here.

16) One is for envy
And one just for spite
The cuts in my heart
They show in your eyes

17) If you let your feelings go, dear
It's scary what you'll find
I find I'm on your street, dear
And you're always on my mind

18) I'll give you this confession
I am taking you with me
Where we can contemplate our chemistry.
And your eyes were lined with questions
With the blood rushing to waste
To take this feeling with us to our graves
To our graves

19) I know what lies beneath, I've seen the flash of teeth.
Conspiring with the reef to sink our ship.
The wind's a cheating wife, her tongue a thirsty knife.
And she could take your life with one good kiss.

20) I'm taking a moment, imaginin' I'm dancing with you
I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes

21) Girl, you been looking at him a little too long for me to be your friend,
And boy, you been looking at her a little too short for me to be yours.

22) She walks to the mailbox each morning at nine
Every day she begins she's always one day behind
At least when it comes to the mail

23) When you're hangin with your friends at night
and everything feels just right
Its always gonna get you everytime

24) Time it was, and what a time it was, it was..
A time of innocence, a time of confidences

25) (Frou Frou: Let Go) -IcyEmo15
drink up, baby doll
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

26) I'm caught, somewhere in-between
A lie, and living a dream.
No peace
Just clicking machines
In the quiet compazine.

27) Somethin' gotta give with the way I'm livin'
Seems I'm gettin' down everyday
The more I strive, the less I'm alive
And seems i'm gettin' further away

28) So there goes my life
Passing by with every exit sign.
It's been so long.
Sometimes I wonder how I will stay strong.

29.) I stare at the stars and the sky up above
and think "what am I made of?"
Am I full of sorrow? Am I hurt and pained?
Or am I filled...with love?

30) Tonight looks like a cold one
The moon decides to show
Dance along the ocean
None of us will know, none of us will know.

Whoever gets the most guessed, or calls them all, or gets the songs I indicated you got yourself a free request. It can be anything you riek :3.

4 Comments
  • Mood: Distressed
  • Listening to: M-10 End (Lady's Past)- Tetsuya Shibata
  • Reading: essays
  • Playing: Dofus/TotA

Pairings Meme

Fri Nov 6, 2009, 11:00 PM
THE PAIRINGS MEEEME! *flail*
Warning you, I don't have really exotic tastes in couplings so pretty much all of these are canon or really damn regular, lol.

SIX PAIRINGS I LIKE:
1. Snake x Meryl
2. Jin Uzuki x Pellegri
3. Mitsurugi x Setsuka
4. Jade x Dist x Peony
5. Daigo x Ann
6. Jecht x Auron (Braska can be added too)

TWO SHIPS I'VE ABANDONED:
7. Snake x Otacon
8. KOSMOS x chaos

THREE SHIPS I'VE NEVER LIKED / ALWAYS HATED:
10. Shuji x Fuyumi
11. Satou x Hitomi
12. Jak x Ashelin

TWO SHIPS THAT HAVE PIQUED MY INTEREST:
13. Yamazaki x Satou
14. Asuka x Hwoarang

1. Why do you dislike #11 so much?
I despise Hitomi. I was revolted when she lied to her offline meeting buddies about Satou being an abusive boyfriend, even though clearly she has her own relationship with another really nice guy. She's such a fucking user.

2. Who do you know that ships #13?
I haven't met anyone yet, let alone someone who has seen the show without me telling them to.

3. What would be your ideal scenario for couple #3?
They meet quietly during the night most likely. She tries to attack him...she fails, and he has a moment of sympathy for a wench like her. I have such a hard-on for that scenario, lol.

4. What is your favorite moment for #1?
Too many! Any time Enclosure or The Best is Yet to Come plays my inner fantard hops around. If I had to say one...I think when Meryl got shot or the epic bathroom conversation.

5. How long have you been following couple #6?
Since FFX got released. How long is that now?

6. What's the story with #8? What made you stop caring?
KOS-MOS annoys me to no end now. Like I used to ship her but for some odd reason I started not giving a shit about super-powered androids and her ridiculously impractical design. I guess it's the overlove I see of her..maybe, I dunno.

7. Which ships do you prefer--#2 or #4?
Rock and a hard place much? Uhmm...at the moment I'm leaning towards 2, but 4 has more evidence. I mean dude..All Jin 'n Pelle get is the Colonel drama. WHERE IS THE LOVE GODDAMMIT.

8. You have the power to make one ship non-existent. Choose from #10 or #12?
12, since 10 ends by itself.

9. What interests you about #14?
The fact these two would argue to no end...over the dumbest things. That and their designs match up really well. THERE JUST NEEDS TO BE ONE SCENE TO PROVE MY POINT. JUST ONE. And T6 apparently doesn't.

10. When did you stop liking #7?
I think around when MGS3 first got released. Sorta just stopped caring. I'll giggle every now and then, but Snake/Meryl is OTP. FUCK YEAH.

12. What's a song that reminds you of #5?
That cool one they got for the live action film. Oh, and Natsu no Nichi ni Youkoso (Welcome to the Summer Days) by Pearl Kyoudai.

13. Which of these ships do you love the most right now?
Mix between 3, 2 and 1 atm. Though I pretty much like all of them.

14. Which do you dislike the most?
11, I think...I'm not sure.

15. Have #2 kissed yet? Elaborate if yes.
IN MY DREAMS *tear*. Frigging game canon gave two scenes! Two scenes! And there was only a short blurb of violence afterwards! No happy makeup sex or ANYTHING!

16. Did #4 have a happy ending? Do you think one is likely?
I really really really hope they do. Though one of them died >__>

17. What would make you start shipping #14?
One canon scene. That's all I ask.

18. If only one could happen, which would you prefer--#2 or #6?
2, since I'm sure Tidus would be mad at me if I said his new mom is Auron.

19. You have the power to decide the fate of #10 . What happens to them?
They dissolve by volume 5 and she's dead by the last one. Purging rocks. <3

2 Comments
  • Mood: Not Impressed
  • Listening to: Bartender (arrangement)- Bartender OST
  • Playing: Dofus/TotA

*Headdesk*

Tue Oct 20, 2009, 9:42 PM
Hello again. I figure I should plaster over my birthday blurb thing, considering a bit over a month has passed. There's nothing I can really say about what's going on at the moment (SAY WHUT?) other than the typical mundane day-by-day. I could rant about that but I'm also very tired and addicted to French MMORPGs.

Oh wait, I got one.
I FOUND SHEET MUSIC TO TOTAL RESULT. GO LILY. GO LILY. UMPH.

Aaaaand art fart wise I'm writing crap more. Ain't that swell?
Now if only it failed less.

2 Comments
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: A Song for Milly Michaelson- Thrice
  • Reading: Encyclopedia Dramatica articles

BIRFDAY.

Thu Sep 17, 2009, 9:01 AM
It's that not so special day for me.
Usually I don't give a flying crap about birthdays but this one is special.
Therefore, IMPRESS ME WITH YOUR GIFTS. ...Actually, you don't have to but it'd be really cool if you did.
SPAM ME WITH YOUR GREATNESS.
With Snake.
Or Lance.
Or Vergil.
Or Jinnegri.
Hell, just GIMMEH PEOPLE I LIKE! COUPLINGS I SHIP! ORIGINAL JAZZ I'VE POOPED! Or write something. ACKNOWLEDGE THIS HALFASSED CELEBRATION AT LEAST!
...
If you don't I'll feel sad.

7 Comments
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: Kill the Messenger- Jack's Mannequin
  • Reading: The Book Thief- Markus Zusak
  • Watching: Metal Gear Solid: Philanthropy
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